In Love I Can't Trust
by ToxicalityIssue
Summary: Tom Kaulitz has more than already come to realize the fact that he wants his twin brother, Bill, but when his brother finds out, how do they deal with it? What trials do the two twins go through now? Tokio Hotel twincest to the max!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Tokio Hotel or Bill or Tom. I tell you what though – I'm gonna steal the Kaulitz twins. xD

"I hate you more than I hate me…take my words, all you need to see…Lies, a tragedy, an absolute must…All I know is in love I can't trust…" Chanted the lanky teen by the name of Bill Kaulitz. His eyes, a chocolate maze you're sure to get lost in. His make-up, leading you into false accusations. His heart, and body, lusted for by so many. I was one of them. What sets me apart from the thousands of fans who want him? Well, for one, I had always had him somehow. And two, he's my brother. Twin brother. _Identical_ twin brother. So far, yet so close.

I heard the click of a button on a tape recorder and the sound of Bill's jewelry jingle as he paced around our room, followed by what I can not recall. I was far too lost in my own sick thoughts; all of which included me and my little brother involved in situations so forbidden to modern society.

"…Tom? Tom…" I heard his voice distantly call.

_Mmm…no. Still lost in my mind. Sorry._

"TOM KAULITZ!" Yelled Bill, in my face.

Snapping out of it, I focused on the impatient, slightly altered reflection of my own face, a mere inch from my own. His face was so close to mine that I could feel his warm breath on my skin, making my stomach do loops. He was so good at torturing me, yet he was oblivious to it all.

"Sorry... Say it again. I was thinking." I let out quietly, afraid of stirring the fire-breathing demon that was too close for my own comfort, my cheeks flushing slightly at the closeness.

"Ugh, mein Gott, Tom. I hate you more than I hate me, take my words, all you need to see, Lies, a tragedy, an absolute must, All I know is in love I can't trust." He said quickly, his voice laced with impatience as it was about the fifteenth time within ten minutes he had voiced the verse to me. It was the first time I had actually heard it.

"Oh, uh…Yeah, Bill…Very…Erm…Nice." I manage to get out. Sometimes I wished Bill was like the fan girls I used to fuck around with. They didn't need to talk…They let their bodies do the talking. I had already established the fact that that was more or less what I wished Bill would do with me a long time ago. There was no denying how I felt about him now. I had long since gone through that phase.

"Ugh. I wouldn't expect you to understand deepness anyways." Bill spat out, frowning at me.

"Hold on a minute here. Deepness? Come on, dear Bill, I've been around the block enough times to understand 'deepness'" I snickered.

"…Remind me again exactly why I asked for your opinion in the first place." He half growled, letting out a small noise of disgust.

"Sheer desperation?" I asked.

"Mmm." Bill grunted in agreement, his ear pressed up against a small voice recorder he used to record things that might "inspire our next number one hit," as he put it.

As soon as I saw him obsessing over the small electronic device (one of his most prized possessions), I stood up and threw my hands into the air, groaning loudly. Usually I wouldn't care about it, but it's just that he lived with the damn thing attached to him. He was recording every damn conversation and everything he could think of. I wouldn't be surprised if he recorded himself while taking a piss in the bathroom. Who knows, maybe he'd think it would make a nice "rain effect" on one of our future songs.

"God, Bill! Will you stop living with that thing attached to the side of your fucking face?!" I cried out.

Arching one eyebrow at me and shifting his weight onto one hip, striking that ever-so-famous cocky pose of his, Bill smirked a truly wicked smirk at me.

"Jealous…" He started, moving closer to me until I could feel his warm breath on my ear, making me squirm. "Are you jealous…Tomi?" He said quietly, whispering only my name into my ear, sending shivers through my body. _Every_ part of my body, if you understand.

Bill let loose a loud shriek of surprise as I frantically pushed him away from me in order to stop anything from "developing." When he was distracted, I yanked the voice recorder from his hand, hugging it close to my chest in an effort to keep it away from him. What was I going to do, hold it above his head, when he's clearly taller than me?

"Give. It. BACK!" My twin screamed as he lunged forward to pounce on me, tackling me to the floor, landing me on my back with a loud "oof." The recorder was still tightly enclosed in my hand, though my arm had been pulled away from my chest by his efforts.

"Nein!" I chuckled out as soon as I got my breath back. Oh how I loved seeing his angry face, filled with frustration.

By this point in time, Bill had climbed on top of me to completely straddle me. I couldn't go anywhere. I was pinned completely underneath him. Not that I was complaining. My breathing was getting quicker and all I could think about was how badly I wanted to fuck my brother. I'm a sick fuck okay? I've already long since came to terms with it.

I was losing it, my mind was numbing as my carnal instincts began to take me over. I couldn't take it any longer. I like to say I'm "smooth," but this definitely wasn't my finest moment. As I had reached up, intending to pull Bill down to my more than waiting lips, my hand slipped and Bill's prized recorder went out the open window and into the street a few stories down, surprisingly not smashing to pieces. We both sat upright immediately; my actions taking more effort as to the extra weight on my lower half. Our jaws slowly dropped at the same time as his precious equipment was smashed by a passing semi-truck. Immediately, I knew I was in deep trouble.

Now, I can't remember much after that. Perhaps it was because all that came out of Bill's mouth were a series of loud, frustrated screams, confirming my eternity alone. Or maybe it was because all I felt was the sharp pain of Bill's fists making impact with my body, showing his rage quite accurately.

What I do remember though, is the look on his angelic face the whole time. It was a look that threatened to take his innocence. A look that corrupted the Bill I knew and threatened my insides into submission. It was extremely painful to see that look on his face; even more painful to know that I had caused it.

I let him continue to take his with me out on my body until he was exhausted. The screaming had continued through it all. I didn't care one bit if it hurt; at least his hands were on me. As long as he touched me, I was happy.

When he was finally done, panting because of his "workout," his voice hoarse from the screaming, he just fell back onto the floor, his emotions overruling his body's instincts. I tried my best to shift so I could get a glimpse of him. His chest was rising and falling rapidly as he took deep breaths. If only I had gotten that result from him some other way. He was seething mad and I was fascinated.

I let out a loud groan, clutching my stomach with both hands, rolling around in agony on the floor. For some reason, it hurt more to have his hands off of me than when they were doing me the damage I was now suffering from. My lip and parts of my face were blood-stained. What killed me most was Bill's silence. Hell, we had gone at each other with chairs and pots and pans before. I was more than used to his violent side. But always after, we'd laugh like sick and broken hyenas on crack. Now he was only silent.

I kept moaning as the aftershock pain of the attack still affected me. Coughing as the pain slowly started to ease up on me, I managed to maneuver into a half-sitting position, carefully biting a non-injured part of my lip to distract me from the pain.

"Ugh…Fuck…God Bill, why didn't you just castrate me too?" I whined. I could have sworn I saw a half smile on his face as he stood up and knelt down over me, his hand immediately disappearing into my pocket, searching viciously.

"Bill!" I yelped as I felt his hand rummage around, violating me in every way I had hoped for. My face flushed and I swear I had died and gone to Heaven. "W-What are you d-d-doing?!" I squeaked out in a high pitch shakily, hoping I was still alive. If he kept that up for a few more seconds I swear he would have found something alright.

Satisfied, Bill pulled his hand out of my pocket, my wallet clutched in his grasp. _Oh come on God, why are you fucking with me?_ I groaned in defeat, sadly my prayers had not been answered as I had hoped. Perhaps I was in hell. That sounded fitting at least… _Wait…my…wallet?!_

"What the hell, Bill?! Why did you take my-"

"Thanks in advance." He said coldly, the lack of emotion in his voice making my heart ache.

I swallowed hard.

"For..?"

"You're about to buy me a new recorder. The most expensive one I can fucking find, you dick!" He calmly got out before yelling the last part, stalking out of our room.


	2. Chapter 2

I groaned once more and fell back to a laying position, my head smacking into the metal bed frame.

"You think you're _so_ funny, don't you?" I moaned out, cursing up at the sky as I rubbed my head.

That cursing didn't even compare to what followed once realization hit me. After Bill had gone out with my wallet, I wanted to comfort myself by looking over a few…personal items. Mostly pictures of Bill and I with, "Liebe" written on the back, a notepad that I had used for years; with a few of my darkest confessions about my brother written in them, small pictures I had drawn of him with love notes on the empty space, (I'm an amazing artist I must say – but it's all thanks to my source of inspiration), and a few other things.

I went to go into my wallet to find my "comfort items." I put my hand in my pocket before remembering that my wallet was in the very hands of the one person who I least wanted to see it.

"FUCK! Oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God…" I screamed out, my ribs hurting from the earlier beating that I had more than willingly taken.

Starting to hyperventilate, I scrambled painfully to get back to my feet, pacing around the room I shared with my brother. The dirty thoughts, the various dreams I had, the countless nights where all I could do was watch perfection in its sleeping form; I had documented all of it in my notepad. He would know all of it the second he decided to search through my wallet. Why do I keep such personal things in my wallet? My wallet is always on me, there is no chance of getting it away from me…or so I thought.

"Nein…nein…nein…NEIN! THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!" I screamed painfully at the top of my lungs, falling face first into my pillow, letting out strangled sobs.

I'm assuming that I fell asleep because a few hours later, I woke up, my face full of mattress. I could hear in the living room that the TV was on.

"Bill…" I silently mouthed, feeling horror shake me to the core.

It had to be Bill because he was the only other occupant in our apartment. We had two rooms but Bill and I shared one because either Gustav or Georg would sleep over and needed a room to their self.

It's safe to say that I was a bit more than terrified but I slowly ventured out into the living room. My body was sore, swollen, and bruised, yet at the same time, it tasted a little like bliss. I froze the second I saw him, limping my way over to the couch, sitting down next to him. Now I wouldn't be lying when I say that my heart plummeted when I saw him squirm a barely-visible inch away from me. I could have shoved a knife through my heart at that second, had he not swung his legs up onto the couch, a very small distance away from my thigh.

I was always quick to judge I guess, especially with Bill, and even more so once I knew I was in love with him. Any movement that my little brother made sent my mind reeling; demanding for an explanation on the spot.

"Listen Bill, I-" I started, shutting up when his hand raised, cutting me off.

"Don't Tom. I realize that it was just an accident. It's all been fixed now. I have my new recorder." He said, flashing me a brilliant smile as he held up the fancy, new replacement recorder.

"Ugh. How much did that cost me?" I groaned loudly, my head falling onto his shoulder.

Blinking at me, he studied my face. Bill shook his head, his smile fading quickly, much to my disarray. I could feel my heart start to ache as I looked away from him, keeping my head where it was out of plain exhaustion. I was in too much pain to move.

"Nothing. I used my own money. I've wanted one for a while now so it wouldn't be fair to make you pay." He said quietly. _Oh thank God._ So he hadn't seen my always pocketed shrine…

"Oh…Damn right!" I agreed, trying to regain my lost composure.

"Actually, that isn't true…" He almost whispered. At this moment, crude words and curses were stringing themselves together in my head.

I was speechless, engrossed in the possibilities that may have exited his more than perfect lips.

"I had every intention of making you pay for it. And you would have paid too…had I not been shocked by something I found. These…" He sighed out slowly, holding up a few ripped out pieces of paper from my notepad – parts of my "shrine (if you want to call it that)."

My heartbeat quickened to an unfathomed pace. The palms of my hands started to get sweaty as I started to get incredibly nervous. I immediately removed my head from his shoulder, backing up to get a good look at what was in his hand. Sure enough, the paper in between his fingers held some of the dirtiest things involving him that I had ever written. Trying to act innocent, I squinted at the papers he held.

"I don't know what the hell you're talking about." I squeaked out defensively. Okay, I realize that I wasn't too convincing but I had to try somehow.

"Tom, they're in your handwriting." He spoke slowly, as if trying to convince not only me, but himself.

"What's in my handwriting? I told you I don't know what the hell you're talking about."

"Okay, let's see if I can refresh your memory…" He started. _Oh shit._ He cleared his throat and pulled out one of the sheets and I knew from that moment in time that I was done for. He started reading the writing on the paper out loud to me; luckily it was the most G-rated one I had written. "Bill's all I dream about nowadays. Whenever I talk to him I can't help but gaze longingly at his luscious lips. I can't help but scream to him in my mind, 'Just fuck me already!' I can't help but stay up long hours in my bed, just watching him sleep. Watching his chest rise and fall with each breath, wishing and hoping that some day I can hold him while he sleeps. I don't want to hold him like a brother. I want him to be my lover. I need him more than he thinks I do. I need him more than a normal brother should…" He stopped, looking up at me with a raised eyebrow. His face was emotionless, making it impossible for me to read what he was thinking.

"Oh, s-so you think its f-f-funny to write f-fake love notes in m-my handwriting?! Is that your idea of s-some s-sick payback?!" I squeaked and yelled out. Okay now, I was getting really desperate.

"They're in your fucking handwriting you sick fuck!" He screamed at me, obviously annoyed, throwing my wallet at my head. When it hit, I have to admit that it sure as hell hurt, but not as much as his words. I gasped and rubbed my head, looking down. I didn't know if he meant it or not but his words stung.

"Y-You…t-think…I-I'm sick?" I half whimpered out, trying my hardest not to cry. Well hell, I knew I was strong emotionally but God, Bill. Way to fucking rip out my heart.

"Well I-" He started before the door opened sharply and in walked our two best friends, Gustav and Georg. Bill quickly flashed me a look and I could tell he had chosen the wrong words. It was a mistake but who knows. Maybe the mistake was in the word "fuck." He could have been trying to call me a sick bastard, for all I knew.

I refused to look up at either of them as I grabbed my wallet, ripping the notes out of Bill's hands and quickly getting up from the couch, rushing to our room. I slammed the door and locked it immediately. With my back to the door, I slowly slid down it until I hit the floor, letting out a soundless cry as the tears fell from my eyes. "Sick Fuck" was something my brother often used on me. It was something he always called me when we fought but now it had a new meaning. It burned my heart and violated my hardened emotions.

I slowly crawled my way to the middle of the room, collapsing face first onto the carpet. It tickled my face in an unpleasant fashion but I could care less. All I did was just lie there, trying but failing to keep the tears from pouring out of my eyes, into the carpet. I remained in that position long after the tears had dried up, my face just straight into the carpet, my eyes tightly closed, and my whole body sprawled out randomly.

After Georg and Gustav had left (a few hours later, to my shock), I heard a knock on the door. I groaned in reply, my face still shoved into the carpet. My little brother hesitantly walked in and I shifted my head so I could see with one eye. All I saw were his feet, followed by the rest of him as he sat down right next to me, sighing heavily. I frowned and rolled over onto my back before sitting up slowly, glaring into his eyes.

"What do you want with a 'sick fuck' like me?" I spat out at him.

"Tom I-" He started.

"You what? You think it's funny to throw those words around right now?!" I yelled at him, still glaring.

"Tom I didn't mean it like that! You of all people know that I say that shit without thinking!" He retorted.

I shook my head and looked away from him, crossing my arms over my chest. Letting out a frustrated sigh, I turned to look at him. His face was a cross between apologetic and something else I couldn't quite make out. When his eyes met my own, he sighed the same frustrated sigh I had let out a minute or so earlier.

"I didn't mean it, okay? I ALWAYS call you that. I'm sorry okay?" He sighed out as if it had been rehearsed.

"It wouldn't hurt if you actually meant it. Now I'm left out in the open with how I feel about you." I frowned, standing up, moving towards the door to exit the room.

As soon as I was about to exit the room, his hand wrapped around my left ankle, causing me to trip and fall. Luckily I fell to my knees and not on my face. I shook my leg continuously, trying to free it from his grasp. It was pointless as with each shake, he held my leg tighter. I turned around to flash him another glare. My heart was slowly splitting in half and it felt like he wanted the front row seat. I finally gave up on escaping from him, his hand still wrapped tightly around my left ankle, not easing up one bit.

"Is it not enough for you to hurt me emotionally? Do you have to keep going until I'm broken all over?!" I yelled at him, louder than I ever have, struggling to hold back my cries. The shock on his face was more than evident.

He slowly released his hand; the second look on his face was shocking. It was a look that I had hoped for years would show on his face. He grabbed my wrists and pulled me upright and looked me straight in the eye.

"So now you admit that you wrote that?" He quietly asked me.

"I thought we already established this." I sighed out, not sure if the look on his face was true or not.

He looked at me hesitantly before looking away. His face turned a soft shade of pink and I tried so hard to stop myself but I couldn't help but brush the back of my fingers across his cheek. Bill turned his eyes back to me, blinking in shock. Without thinking, I leaned forward to press my lips tenderly to his and much to my delight, his lips pressed back with equal pressure. It was bliss in its purest form.


	3. Chapter 3

I slowly ran my hand up his side and into his dark hair, resting my other hand on the back of his neck to hold him close to me. I was just about to run my tongue along his bottom lip when he sighed against my lips, abruptly pulling away from my mouth. I whimpered softly at the loss of contact. Bill looked down and sighed heavily once more, searching for the right words to say.

"Bill?" I whispered, reaching out to touch his cheek once more.

"Stop it Tom!" He ordered me, smacking my hand away.

"What's wrong?" It was all I could ask. The sinking feeling in my stomach came back full force. His eyes looked back into mine with a slight regret for his overreaction.

"I'm sorry, but what if the media finds out? What if Georg and Gustav find out? You know as much as I do how homophobic they are, let alone two brothers…" He trailed off, looking right past me.

"I don't care about any of that, Bill." I tried to reassure him but he wasn't listening to me. He merely stood up and walked out of the room, pausing as he reached the door frame, turning around to look down into my confused face.

"I'll think about it, Tom." He sighed and with that, he turned around and walked out the apartment, leaving me open and exposed.

Hours later I frowned at the clock on my night stand. It had been about six hours since Bill had gone out for a walk. I was scared shitless but I didn't call him. I was scared of how he might have reacted. I sighed and got up, crawling into bed and closing my eyes. In my mind, falling asleep would be a way to pass the time until Bill got home; not like we would talk anyway. I didn't want to talk to him anyway until he was done "thinking about it."

I was sleeping peacefully, dreaming about my twin. I always dreamt about him. Every night of every week, my dreams were infested with his image. Rolling over in my sleep, I hit something and it yelped. I slightly opened my eyes and sat up in my bed, sleepily searching for what caused the noise. A hand reached out and pulled me down, forcing me to lie on my back. I blinked and shortly after, the face of my brother became clearer to me. Reaching out with my hand, I poked him sharply in his shoulder. He squealed and smacked my hand away. I could tell he was glaring.

"Would you quit trying to kill me, idiot?!" He warned me in a forced whisper. There was no question in my mind after his response. This was my Bill.

"Mnpfhwhuteryewdewinheeere?" I mumbled out, too tired to form an actual sentence, let alone individual words.

Delusion from extreme exhaustion caused me to roll over again, this time landing right on top of my brother. I grinned sleepily and snuggled down into him. He started squirming under me, trying to free himself as he kept smacking my head.

"Ugh…Get the fuck off of me, Tom!" He hissed at me, rolling me off of him and onto the floor with a thud.

I immediately came to my senses and blinked. I looked at Bill, as if seeing him for the first time the whole night. I sat up and groaned, pulling myself back into my bed, next to Bill, who was laughing at me.

"When did you get in my bed?" I yawned out, rubbing my head.

"About an hour ago. I couldn't sleep and so I crawled into your bed like I used to do when we were kids and I would probably still be sleeping if you hadn't tried to kill me." He let out sleepily, glaring playfully at me.

I chuckled and shook my head, apologizing quickly to him. It wasn't until then that I realized there was another reason that he was in my bed. I didn't want to get my hopes up but I felt as if there had to be another reason. Bill hadn't slept in my bed in a long time.

"Why are you really in my bed, Bill?" I asked quietly, squinting at him in suspicion.

"I thought about it."

"About what?" I blinked. I was too tired to remember anything.

"Us, you idiot!" He spat out at me.

"Oh! And..?" My heartbeat started to quicken.

"I think that I've been in love with you for a while too, Tom." He whispered, nodding slowly. I should have known right then and there that he was a liar but, to quote a song I once heard, "Love may make you blind kid, but I wouldn't mind at all." I was way beyond blind. I was blind and walking through a dark forest and I for sure didn't mind.

I blinked in shock and immediately pulled him close to me, kissing his lips roughly. He kissed me back with just as much intensity, knotting his fingers in my dreads. Running my tongue along his bottom lip, his own lips parted and without thinking and I bit down hungrily on his lip. He let out a small squeal and pulled away from me, his hand softly tracing the area on his lip that I had sunk my teeth into.

"God Tom, what the hell are you trying to do, eat my face off?!" He yelled at me.

"Sor-" I started.

I was immediately cut off by Bill's lips roughly crushing my own with surprising force for such a small, delicate frame. He caught me by such surprise that I didn't know exactly what was happening until a few seconds later. Once my mind caught up to my body I pulled away from him, looking him in the eyes. I could see that his eyes were beautifully corrupted by lust and anger; what the anger was towards, I couldn't tell at the moment.

His hand rested on my shoulder, pushing me down on the bed, his lips ravaging mine once more. Bill slowly climbed on top of me, his mouth never parting from mine. His tongue ran along my lips, willing my mouth into submission. I parted my lips for him and his tongue entered, running along the roof of my mouth with a hunger. It was enough to send shivers down to every limb, if you follow me.

Bill momentarily broke the kiss as his hands recklessly pulled my shirt over my head, tossing mine and his own across the room. He then placed rough kisses along my jaw line, slowly moving down to my neck, drawing a small moan from my lips as he licked the tender flesh. Continuing on my neck, his hands blindly found their way to my jeans. He quickly undid them and tugged at them. I followed his signal and wormed my way out of my oversized pants.

I let out a small gasp as he nibbled on the sensitive skin of my neck, his pants flying across the room as a result of his impatience. Slowly his mouth made its way down my chest and to the skin right above where my boxers started. His tongue snaked its way out of his mouth as he dragged it slowly across my skin, forcing a moan out me, my boxers tighter than they ever had been in my life.

Whimpering softly as his mouth pulled away from my skin, I looked up to meet his eyes with my own. I'm more than sure that the lustful eyes were a reflection of mine. When his eyes caught mine, he smirked wickedly at me and forcefully pressed his lips to mine once more. His hands dragged down my body slowly, snagging the fabric of my boxers with his fingertips; pulling them off in one swift motion. I'm more than sure that his boxers followed immediately after.

Bill broke the kiss as he leaned forward over me slightly, searching through the drawers in my nightstand. I let out a small sigh and rested my hands on his lower back, dragging my own tongue up the middle of his chest. Biting his lip to suppress any noise, he looked down at me momentarily; his eyes piercing into my soul. He quickly returned his attention to my nightstand, pulling out a more than familiar bottle of lubrication. I immediately reached my hand up to grab it from him but he held it up above his head. The smirk on his face let me know he had other plans.

As soon as I opened my mouth to ask him what he was doing, he quickly rolled me onto my stomach, pinning me down beneath him. He leaned back over me, placing kisses along my shoulders. Once again, my mind was five moments behind my body and before it had time to catch up, two of his fingers found their way inside of me, forcing a gasp out of me. His fingers worked on preparing me for what was to come and once he saw fitting, he pulled them out. I bit my lip lightly, trying to brace myself for what would happen but as I know now, nothing in hell could have prepared me.

He pulled me onto all fours, his hands gripping my hips lightly and I swear I was about to have a heart attack from nervousness. I had NEVER done anything like that with a guy in my life. I was just about to ask him why he was taking so long when he gripped my hips tightly, plunging himself in me fully. I gasped loudly and let out a small cry as my hands gripped my sheets tightly. It was my body's natural instinct to squirm away but Bill had such a tight hold on my hips, it forced me to remain still.

Bill just remained like that for half a minute as I tried to regain my composure. Slowly he started to pull out of me, only to ram into me with full force, causing me to cry out in pain again. He continued his means of torture on me for a little while, each time he would thrust into me harder.

"Bill…" I gasped breathlessly as he let loose a loud groan, continuing on. "BILL!" I screamed as he pounded his hardest yet into me, my eyes clenched shut.

It was then that one of his hands found its way to my dreads, sharply yanking them back to force my back to arch, allowing him to sink deeper into me. Bill slowly leaned over me, as he kept going at the same pace, his warm breath on my ear. I let out a loud cry as he once more rammed into me.

"Oh am I-" He whispered deliciously in my ear as he pulled back. "-Hurting you?" He taunted once more as he forced himself back in.

By now, my hands were gripping my sheets so tightly that my knuckles were white. Bill's lips found my other ear, nibbling softly on my earlobe as he pulled my head back even further by my hair. It was obvious to me by now that my brother had done this before. He was way too experienced not to have. I had no idea though that he could be so…rough.

"Consider this payback for my broken recorder." He said bitterly.

"Fuck…God…Bill, please…" I begged him, tears in my eyes from the almost unbearable pain.

After I had pleaded with him for a bit, he started easing up on me. He started to move at a steady pace and it was then that it started to feel amazing. Every thrust led me closer and closer. We were both exchanging a series of loud moans, groans, and cries of pleasure until we both couldn't take it any longer; both of us reaching our climax within seconds of each other.

When it was over, Bill pulled out of me, collapsing next to me on my bed, breathing heavily. I lied on my side to avoid the pain of my backside, moving my hand up to move a few locks of his hair out of his face. As soon as his eyes met mine, it sent shivers down my spine. I slowly wrapped my arms around his waist, pulling him to me. I laid my head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat struggle for normality. I was more than happy and that was all that mattered. I had Bill…Or did I?


	4. Chapter 4

Since that night, Bill and I became inseparable. We were always around each other no matter what. Sometimes we would go out together to the park and be a little risky by making out in an un-crowded area. I was in Heaven. I had everything I had ever wanted and he was all I needed. But that's when things took a turn for the worst.

I was sitting on the couch, drinking a coke; my favorite. Reaching for the remote, I turned on the television to ease my boredom. Bill was sitting in the chair next to the couch, bent over his notebook; writing lyrics. I flipped through a few channels until I reached a popular entertainment news channel. There it was. Smack dab in the middle of my television: a picture of Bill and I kissing. It was from one of our make out sessions in the park. I immediately spit out my coke and started coughing which led to Bill looking up at me to see what was wrong. I pointed at the television while still gagging and as soon as his eyes met the screen, he gasped. Once I could breathe again, I turned up to volume for us to hear clearly.

_Kaulitz twincest: fact or fiction? Thanks to an anonymous source, we've scored this picture of everyone's favorite twins caught in an…intimate position. It's still not known for sure whether or not this picture has been manipulated or not but so far, we've found no traces of a doctored photo._

_You heard us right folks, the Kaulitz twins aren't as innocent as they seem! We went out on the field to get people's reactions to this delicious scandal!_

_"What are your thoughts after seeing this photo?"_ Asked the female reporter.

_"Oh my God! There's NO way that is real. I know the twins are close and all but that's just disgusting!"_ Answered one fan girl. Bill and I exchanged glances before turning our attention back to the screen.

_"I always knew that Bill guy was a fairy!" _Answered some random guy.

_"God if that was real, that'd be sooo hot!"_

_"That's just fucking disgusting."_

_"Well, there goes my respect for that band."_

_"That HAS to be fake."_

_"Tom Kaulitz is definitely straight! I mean, come on. Just look at him!"_

_"Sick!"_

_Well you've heard what the people are saying. Kaulitz twins, we now know your secret, there's no hiding from it now! The next move is up to you two. Are you going to deny all of this or embrace it? Sorry Bushido, your boyfriend has found someone closer to home._

I just stared at the television screen, my jaw hitting the floor. I was at a loss of words. Who saw us? Who took the picture? I knew it was real but…was there a way to convince people that it wasn't? Was there a way to protect our image from the public? Who would turn us in with the intention of ruining us? A million things were running through my mind and I'm more than sure the same thoughts were going through my twin's mind as well.

"Tom." He addressed me quickly.

"What?" I asked him, his voice snapping me back to reality.

"Tom, I think that we should-" He started but right after, the door to our apartment flung open and there stood Georg and Gustav.

"Did you just see what we saw?" Georg frantically demanded. His eyes were wide and there was a mirrored reflection on Gustav's face.

"Y-Yeah..." I stuttered. Fuck. I didn't even think how they would react. God knows, the two G's were the biggest homophobes in the world. You say the word "gay" in front of them and they run away like you just put a cigarette out on their bare arm.

"I-Is it true?!" Gustav yelled in hysterics.

"Of course it isn't true, you dipshit!" Bill yelled back at him, standing up to tower over everyone.

"I was just making sure, for fucks sake!" He defended himself.

I just sat there, still staring at the screen. Thank God my Bill was a quick thinker. I swear, if I had been left to answer, I would have probably said yes. I could feel Georg's eyes on me, analyzing my behavior with extreme suspicion. To hide the truth, I turned my attention away from the television and stood next to my brother, making sure to stand far enough away so that they wouldn't get any ideas.

"How are you two planning on handling this one?" Georg asked, looking me in the eye.

"The fuck if I know." Bill answered for me. All I could do was nod in agreement.

The next few hours were spent discussing strategies with Georg and Gustav. We had come to the conclusion that all we could do is deny it and claim that it was a fake image (although Bill and I knew all too well that it wasn't). Our two band mates and best friends vowed to back us up no matter what the public decided to believe. Once they were gone, Bill and I had a long talk about everything.

"Fuck. We're in trouble, Bill." I groaned as he sat on the couch, sitting next to him, burying my face into his shoulder.

"Tom, I-"

"God someone must have known about us…" I interrupted.

"Tom, I think-"

"FUCK! How are we going-"

"WOULD YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LET ME TALK ALREADY?!" He screamed at me. I could tell that the stress was wearing on him.

"Sorry…" I mumbled, shutting up immediately.

"Tom, I think that we should end this."

"End what?" I asked, my voice starting to shake mildly. I knew what was coming but I tried to deny it with all that I had.

"Us." He said firmly, staring me straight in the eye.

All I could do was just shake my head. Avoiding his eyes, I managed to make my way to our room, locking the door behind me. I crawled into my bed and let out a series of smothered screams and cries into my pillow. I couldn't believe it. Why would he let a little rumor on a television show get between us? If this is all it took for him to break it off with me, then he really must not love me like he said he did.

For the next week, I stayed in our room. I obviously had to unlock the door so Bill could get in but I never left. Except for showers and using the toilet, I was bound to that room. I didn't want to see him. I didn't know how I would handle myself if I caught the smallest glimpse of him. So there I sat, in our room, on my bed with my hat tilted downwards and my darkest shades on. When Bill did come in the room, all I could see were his feet and his legs thanks to my hat being tilted at an angle.

Bill would usually come in about three times a day to leave meals on our computer desk. I wouldn't budge when he was in the room. When he was gone, I would usually close the door and eat. I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of seeing me eat his food.

Whenever Bill would come into the room for something else, he would try to interact with me by making comments about the weather or things going on in the world at that moment. I would just stare at nothing, not acknowledging him even though his voice alone was enough to make my heart beat faster. After spending five minutes trying to drag a conversation out of me, he would sigh heavily and leave the room, giving up on me.

One night I was sleeping in my bed, facing the wall because I knew if I faced Bill's bed, it would rip my heart out. I was dreaming of him, like always and there was a smile etched into my lips as my mind went through the short time I had spent with Bill as more than brothers. My eyes immediately snapped open as I felt pressure around me. I wasn't sure if I was dreaming or not.

The pressure became tighter and I almost couldn't breathe. I gasped for air before the pressure released but still kept a hold around me. It wasn't until then that my mind recognized the pressure around my middle as the arms and hands of my twin. I nearly let out a cry upon discovering this as it had been too long since I felt his touch. One week without him was like spending a month in a desert without a proper water supply. I was too scared to move, afraid that if I made just one movement, his arms would disappear.

"Bill?" I whispered. It was worth a shot.

"Mm." He grunted in acknowledgement, his arms tightening around me once more.

I slowly shifted to my other side so that I could face him. Sure enough, it really was him. His more than perfect face was twisted into too many emotions for even his own twin to understand.

"W-What are you doing?"

"I can't." He simply mumbled, as if having a conversation with himself, saying only a few bits out loud.

"Can't what?"

He didn't respond for ten to fifteen minutes and I thought he had gone to sleep. I wrapped my arms around him slowly and placed a kiss on the top of his head, closing my eyes tightly to keep tears from coming out.

"I need you." He finally whispered, bringing me back to my senses.

"I-I-I-" I stuttered in complete shock. God he was more than confusing.

"I love you, Tomi." He let out sleepily.

I slowly opened my eyes to look at his exhausted face. He looked worn and hell I would be too if I was taking care of someone as pathetic as myself. I should have seen it earlier. He was scared and he was trying to save us from what the public might do. He really did love me.

"I love you too, Bill." I whispered almost inaudibly as I soon fell asleep, holding onto him as if nothing had ever happened.

Things were finally right again but before shortly after, things were going to hit rock bottom.


	5. Chapter 5

After that small bump in Bill and my relationship, I thought things were going fine. I was more than wrong because the next three and a half months that we spent together became a living nightmare for me. Even though it was a living nightmare though, I was still more than addicted to him.

Since we were born, Bill and I had always been stubborn with each other and now it was leading to major fights between us. We would get in fights about the most random stuff ever, like what was for supper or how many of my Coke's were left in the fridge. The stress of it all was hell on for me. It was taking a toll on both of us and we both had our own was of dealing with it.

Most of the times, I would quit talking and ignore Bill for days on end. I would hang out in my room or go out with my friends. I would do anything to avoid confrontation with Bill. But Bill would go out clubbing and partying. He would get so fucking drunk so that he could just forget it all for the moment. I still remember the first time that Bill went out and came home to me, completely bombed.

It was after we had been in a huge fight abut some details of a song we were working on. I don't even really remember what was said. After we had screamed our lungs out at each other, Bill had declared that he was going to go out and not to follow him; slamming the door quite loudly behind him as he made his dramatic exit.

Hours upon hours later, he came back to our apartment, stumbling through the door. At first I didn't realize he was that drunk until he tried to actually walk and ended up collapsing; falling to the floor. He then immediately broke into hysterics shortly after, his face turning red.

I immediately rushed over to him and knelt down beside him, concern spreading over me like crazy. After I was sure he'd be find if I left him there, I stood up, starting to walk to the kitchen to get him some water. He groaned and covered his mouth with his hands, only removing them to latch his hands around my ankle, causing me to trip in mid-step.

I turned around to look at him and he looked absolutely dreadful. I struggled to free my ankle and knelt down beside him once again. I was about to ask him what he wanted when he cut me off.

"Mmfhbafroooomnugh…" He slurred out heavily.

Quickly, I pulled him to his feet and put my arm around his small waist, throwing his arm around my shoulder. Slowly, I started to walk with him, supporting his entire body with my own. Luckily, we made it to the bathroom in time. I slowly sat him down and he slumped over the toilet, immediately emptying his stomach's contents through his mouth. I held his hair back and rubbed his back soothingly. I couldn't help but notice that even as he was spewing chunks, he had a certain beauty that had me addicted.

Other times, Bill would come home bruised and broken. On many occasions, his perfect face would return to me with cuts and I couldn't help but feel my heart break as I stared into his broken face. One time, I immediately started to cry and I then held him close to me in my arms but he would just push me away, glaring at me with hatred burning in his eyes.

"Get off of me, Tom." He warned me darkly, forcing me to release him.

My only response was to wrap him up in my arms once again, holding him tightly. My only intention was to comfort him. I was too blind to see that it was having a negative effect on Bill.

"I SAID GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME!" He screamed, slamming me against the wall so that I was facing him.

I let out a groan of pain winced at the force he used. Within seconds, he then proceeded to hit, kick, and do anything he could to hurt me. As he was hurting me, he would let out loud screams and cries as tears flowed from his magnificent eyes. After he was done taking all of his rage out on me, he left me to collapse to the ground in pain. He then warned the now bloody and broken me not to come near him ever again, leaving me praying that the next time Bill would come home, he would be drunk. At least then I could handle him.

But no matter how many times that scene repeated itself (and believe me, it happened so many times that I probably have permanent damage), it always ended up that one night after a week to a month later, I would wake up to find him in my bed. His small but strong frame would be wrapped around me and all I could do would be to forgive him. I couldn't help myself. I loved him so much. I worked too hard and wanted him for too long to let him go.

By now, the media had finally given up on the twincest rumor, thanks to the heavy denial from Bill, Georg, Gustav, our management, and myself. Apparently, the rumor was too farfetched for anyone to actually believe it (thank God). I knew that if Bill and I weren't more careful with our displays of affection, it would more than definitely be the end of Tokio Hotel.

Bill and I were trying hard to work things out. I never told him how hard it was for me to live with him being constantly abusive to me, or with him coming home drunk all the time. He was single-handedly tearing us apart but I kept my hold on him as much as I could. I would forgive him for anything. Hell, if he raped and murdered David Jost in front of me, I would probably forgive him if I caught one glance of those eyes.

During one of the rare times when Bill didn't hate me, we were curled up together on the couch, his head resting on my chest. I rested my head on top of his and just closed my eyes, savoring the extremely rare moment. I didn't notice right away that he had fallen asleep but I now realize that's why he wasn't bitching about something as usual. Looking back now, this was probably one of the happiest moments I can remember of Bill and I together. Er, well it was until he woke up.

"Sleep good, Billy?" I murmured happily as I gave him a small squeeze.

"Mm...What time is it?" He yawned out, scanning the room for a clock.

"Seven."

"Mm."

I nodded and reached for a cloth napkin that was sitting on the couch, wiping my mouth because while Bill was asleep I had indulged myself in some of my favorite cheesy salsa. When he caught a glimpse of what I was wiping my mouth with, his eyes widened and he jumped off the couch, immediately grabbing my napkin away from me.

"Hey, I was using tha-"

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!" He screamed at me.

"What do you-"

"GOD TOM, YOU'RE SUCH A FUCKING IDIOT!"

"What did I-"

"THIS IS MY FAVORITE SCARF YOU DUMB SHIT! IT'S WORTH LIKE FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS!" He continued to scream at me. I gulped when I heard the amount it was worth and nearly shot myself right then and there.

"Oh shit! God…Bill I am so sorry. I can pay for a new one just let me-"

"THEY ONLY FUCKING MADE TWELVE OF THEM YOU FUCKER AND THIS ONE WAS NUMBER TWELVE!!"

"Well I can get you something else then if you-"

"FUCK TOM! DON'T YOU EVER THINK OF ANYONE BUT YOURSELF?!"

"Would you stop FUCKING CUTTING ME OFF, BILL?" I defended myself, rising to my feet to stare him dead straight in the eye. "Maybe if you didn't leave your most expensive shit around the house this fucking wouldn't happen!"

"OH DON'T YOU DARE FUCKING BLAME THIS ON ME!" He yelled, throwing the now ruined scarf to the floor, the fire burning in his eyes.

"Why not?! You blame EVERYTHING on me! Take responsibility for your actions next time!"

"I'M NOT THE ONE WHO WIPED THEIR DISGUSTING MOUTH ON IT NOW AM I?!"

"You might as well be!"

"Ugh! You know what, Tom? Fuck you, I'm going out." He spat out at me in a forced whisper, grabbing his wallet and storming out of the apartment, slamming the door so hard that the painting we had hanging next to it, fell to the ground with a crash.

I was so pissed at myself for challenging him. Now I was sure that I was going to pay the price. I hadn't seen him that pissed off at me in such a long time. I groaned and headed to our bedroom, locking myself in. I threw myself on my bed in hopes of sleeping the rest of my life away.

I tried so desperately to sleep but I couldn't. They always tell you not to go to sleep mad but I have no idea how someone even could try. I wasn't as mad as I was worried for Bill's well-being. Terrified is more like it. I was terrified of what might happen to him but I was more terrified of what he might do to himself.

Pulling the covers off of me, I shuffled off to the living room, grabbing my robe on the way and flinging it onto me. I turned on a lamp and sat on the couch to wait for my brother, pulling out a book to make time go faster. It was no use though. My mind was already racing and wrapping itself around every thought it could grasp. _Where is he? What if he lost his phone and can't contact me and is in danger? What if he's dead? What if…he's with someone else? _I threw the book on the table and reached over to turn off the lamp. I figured a surprise attack would be fitting.


	6. Chapter 6

Around three hours later, 4 AM, I heard the lock on the door jiggle, bringing me to my senses. The door opened slowly to avoid causing any noise. Bill then dropped his keys on a nearby table, followed by his wallet. He then started to tiptoe to our bedroom clumsily; his body knocking into the walls. I immediately sat upright and pulled the chord on the lamp, sending rays of light to fill every corner of the room. He let out a loud squeak as he jumped in surprise, swinging around without much grace to look at me.

"Where the HELL have you been, Bill?!" I yelled, jumping to my feet, stalking over to him.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" He winked at me, suppressing a giggle.

I could tell immediately that this drunken thing was an act. I had seen him drunk too many times to fall for this lie. Relief washed over me, though, because he was safe. Pulling my twin close to me, I enveloped him in a hug, burying my face in his hair.

"You know I can see right through you, Bill." I informed him.

"Okay, so you caught me." Bill yawned out, his voice laced with boredom. I let out a soft sigh and pulled back to kiss him but I stopped the second I noticed something strange.

"Bill…Why are you wearing a scarf? It's the middle of summer…" I slowly asked as I started to pull off his scarf.

"Don't Tom." He pushed my hands away and fastened the scarf tighter around his neck.

"Come on, you must be hot in that…" I started to fumble with his scarf again.

"I SAID DON'T TOM! WHEN I SPEAK, DON'T YOU HEAR WHAT I SAY?!" He screamed, pulling away and turning his back to face me.

"What are you hiding from me, Bill?" I asked him, my voice filled with suspicion.

I quickly moved from behind him, spinning him around to face me, pinning him against the wall. With one hand, I pinned both of his hands down at his side so he couldn't fight me off. With my free hand, I slowly undid his scarf, pulling it off. Gasping loudly at the sight before my eyes, I let the fabric fall to the floor. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes as I looked at his neck; filled with hickeys. I slowly let go of his hands and backed away from him, a sharp pain ripping through my chest. I headed to our room and gathered my pillow, heading to the guest bedroom after. Sitting on the bed, I only stared into nothingness. I was too stunned to speak. That's when Bill came in to talk to me.

"Tom…I...I can explain…" He said shakily.

"Explain what exactly? That while I'm here, worried for your safety, thinking about how to apologize when I didn't even start the fight, you're out there with God knows who, doing God only knows what?!"

"It's not like that babe. I only had a few drinks. I was just having a little fun." He had the nerve to say with a small smile, as if he was thinking about it; enjoying the thought.

Just the thought of him with another guy made me sick to my stomach, let alone his use of pet names at that exact moment. Before I knew what was happening, tears were pouring out of my eyes. I started to breathe heavily and I must have been shaking because Bill wrapped himself around me, wiping away my tears with thumbs. As soon as his body touched mine, I threw him off of me; to the floor.

"DON'T YOU DARE FUCKING TOUCH ME!" I screamed out in rage.

"Tom, don't be like that…" Bill quietly said, the whisper of tears in his eyes.

I shook my head and flashed him one more look of disgust as I walked out of the guest room. He ran after me and wrapped his arms around my waist, holding me firmly in place. As much as I tried to shake him off, he just wouldn't budge. I sighed heavily and just stood there, tears still falling from my eyes. The second he shifted, I freed myself from his grasp and spun around to face him.

"You don't care about me at all do you, Bill?" I whimpered, wiping my eyes each time new tears fell from them.

"Tom…" He started before I cut him off.

"Whatever, Bill. Go and fuck around with whoever you want, I won't stop you," I started firmly. "Just tell me how you really feel about me so I can know the truth for once." I pleaded with him.

"I don't love you, Tom." Bill said flatly.

My knees immediately hit the floor and I let out a loud cry. I've been in many physical fights before but there's nothing that could amount to this kind of pain. There's no pain like when you've been betrayed by the very one person you thought could save you. The one person you thought you could trust. The one person who promised to be by your side through thick and thin. When they betray you, you'll feel what I did.

"You don't mean that…Bill…Please…You don't mean it…You don't mean it." I cried out, my head falling against his leg as I cried harder than I ever have in my life. My arms wrapped around his legs as if he would disappear if I didn't hold to him tightly.

"I mean it." He said firmly, his eyes clenched tightly shut.

"You…You don't…You don't, Bill…"

"Let go of me, Tom."

That's what made me snap. Whatever pity I felt for myself instantly turned into hatred and rage. I released his legs and stood solidly on my own two feet. I wound my hand back and forced my fist into his jaw. I then pushed him to the ground and walked out of the room, grabbing my keys and my sunglasses so I wouldn't be recognized. As soon as I opened the door, just the sound of Bill's voice cut my heart into pieces.

"Where are you going?" I heard him distantly call out; his voice laced with worry. My only response was the slam the door behind me.

Once outside the apartment building, I quickly slipped on my shades and started to walk. All I paid attention to were the cracks in the sidewalk. I must have walked for hours because before I realized it, the sun was in the sky. Sighing, I finally looked up. I had been circling the same ten blocks without realizing it. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a girl staring at me and I heaved another heavy sigh. She ran up to me as I kept walking.

"Oh my God, you're Tom Kaulitz aren't you?!" She squealed with delight. Her smile was making me sick.

"No." I spat out as I continued to walk. She kept trailing at my side.

"Yes you are! You're Tom Kaulitz! Oh my God! Can I get a picture with you?" She giggled out in surprise.

I stopped walking and turned around, glaring at her; although you couldn't see it through my shades. My hands clenched and unclenched. This was not the time to piss me off. I already had my heart ripped out of my chest by the one person I trusted. I had little self control.

"I already fucking told you I'm not him you stupid little fucking fan girl. Go find someone else to fucking stalk, you dumb bitch." With that, I spun back the other way and started to quickly walk back towards our apartment, leaving the poor girl in shock behind me.

I circled the block that our apartment was on about fifty times. Each time produced stronger emotions. When my anger was successfully suppressed, I made my way inside. As I reached the door, tears had begun rolling down my cheeks once more. I breathed in deeply and unlocked the door, closing it behind me when I was inside.

Heading to the guest bedroom where I was going to be staying for a while, I stopped in the door frame. Bill was curled up on the bed, wrapped around my pillow. He was crying and I restrained myself from rushing over to comfort him. I tried my best to pull my anger back full force.

"What are you-"

"I'm sorry…" He sobbed out, cutting me off and catching me off guard.

"Sorry for what? You don't even fucking care about me anyways!" I spat out at him with as much hatred as I could gather.

"I FUCKING LOVE YOU ALRIGHT?!" He cried out, burying his head into my pillow to avoid looking at me.

"W-What?" I asked quietly, almost inaudibly.

"I love you, Tom. I love you more than anything in the world." He had turned to look me in the eyes and I could tell that for once in our relationship, he wasn't telling me a lie. The second I could tell he was telling the truth, there was no question in my mind that I would forgive him.

I slowly moved over to him, my emotions betraying me as the tears still kept falling. I hesitantly sat down and looked away. There was nothing I could think of to say. When I looked into his eyes, he shook his head. Ever since we were born he was able to know what I was thinking. This time was no exception.

"It was a lie okay? I don't want to keep being the one who causes you pain. I wanted to free you…" He started. "I…can't…I can't…stand...hurting…you…anymore, Tomi…I fucked up…I fucked up so bad…" He whimpered as he crawled over to me, sobbing into my shoulder.

"Why do you keep doing this stuff to me, Bill?" I pleaded with him again, tears falling from my eyes like a heavy rainstorm.

"I'm scared Tom…I'm scared…I'm scared of people finding out…I'm scared of 'us.'" He cried out.

"Why would you be-"

"I just am Tom!"

"Scared or not, don't you ever fucking do any of that bullshit you've been doing to me again, you got it?!" I warned him, my voice shaking.

"I…love…you…Tom…I'm so sorry…"

"I love you too Bill…please…don't do this to me anymore…I can't take it…" I whimpered, wiping my eyes furiously.

Wrapping my arms around him, I closed my eyes tightly. I rested my cheek on the top of his head, letting out small strangled sobs. We stayed like that for hours, until our eyes wouldn't form any more tears. I know I deserved someone better but I couldn't do that. I was in love with Bill and I had been ever since I knew what love was. Bill was my drug and I was the hardcore drug addict. I was already too far in to quit. Finally he had come to his senses and I was more than ready to welcome him with open arms.

I tilted my head downwards, capturing his lips with my own. As he pressed his owns lips to mine, he slowly pushed me back down on the bed, rolling himself under me. I slowly ran my tongue along his lips, begging for entrance. When his own lips parted, my tongue snaked its way into his mouth, massaging his tongue. He let out a small moan, a second before I did, into my mouth.

My hands slowly slid up and down his sides as I closed my eyes in fear that the marks on his neck would send me into a relapse. Slowly, my hands pulled up the fabric of his shirt and as I pulled away from his mouth, he let out a small whimper at the loss of contact. I grinned and blindly pulled his shirt over his head and tossed it across the room. His own hands pulled my shirt off, letting it fall next to the bed.

My lips found their way back to his immediately. One of my hands ran up to rest on his cheek, stroking it lovingly as I kissed him with a hunger. My tongue found its way back into his mouth and we continued just kissing for a while until I slowly grinded my hips down into his and we both let out a loud groan, our bodies craving more. He slowly rolled himself on top of me and broke from my mouth, only to latch his lips onto my neck, forcing a small moan out of me.

My hands slowly traced up and down his upper back before one snaked its way into his hair. I tilted my head back slowly, giving him more room. His tongue did wonders against my skin and I slowly opened my eyes. He pulled away momentarily, grinning down at me when he could feel my erection against his own as he grinding his hips hard into mine. I gasped and let out a loud moan. He then went back to work, sucking the tender flesh of my neck. I gasped softly once more when he bit down, sucking on the fold of skin between his teeth.

"Anybody hooooommmeee?" Yelled Gustav, entering the guest bedroom, followed by Georg, their eyes widening in shock the second they saw us.

Bill and I flung ourselves apart but it was too late; they had already seen us.


	7. Chapter 7

Both Gustav and Georg had a mirrored expression on their faces. Their faces portrayed their pure shock and disgust. All along we had denied our relationship to them and of all the people in the world to walk in on us, it was them. Georg and Gustav. Our big homophobic friends. The next five minutes were filled with silence and tension as we all just stayed where we were, staring at each other in shock. My half naked brother along with my half naked self staring into the faces of our freaked out friends.

Gustav was the first to break the silence. He stumbled around his words and all that came out were a small series of first syllables. I stole a glance at Bill for a minute to see his face; a reflection of my own. I took a deep breath and looked down, realizing that my hands were sweating and I was shaking again. Never had I thought we would really by found out, especially by the G's.

"I…We…It isn't what it looks like!" I shouted immediately, shocking everyone in the room, including myself. Bill sighed and shook his head at me, standing up to face Georg and Gustav.

"Tom, give it a rest. It's exactly what it looks like." He told them, making my eyes widen in shock.

"Bill…What are you-" I started.

"It's okay." He smiled at me before turning back to them, waiting for their response.

They just stared at us in disbelief. They looked like they were praying to wake up from their nightmare immediately. Like they didn't really just see what they thought they had. Something wet was hitting my hands and it took me a while to realize that it was my own tears. Soon after, Bill sat beside me and wrapped his arms around my, pulling my head to rest on his chest, kissing the top of my head tenderly. All I was focusing on was their faces contorting into disgust and hatred.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me…" Gustav finally got out after he found his voice, shaking his head.

"So you really ARE a couple of ass-fucking faggots after all!" Georg accused us before actually spitting at us.

With that, he and Gustav stormed out of our apartment, leaving me to sit there in shock, tears flooding my eyes. I buried my face in my younger brother's bare chest and just sobbed. He only held me tighter and stared off into the distance. I always thought I was the stronger one between the both of us but this whole relationship made me realize how wrong I really was.

"Oh my God…Bill…Bill…They…Bill…" Was all I could get out through my muffled sobs.

"Shh…Tom. Everything will work out somehow…" He consoled in my ear, rocking me back and forth in his arms.

When I calmed down a few hours later my eyelids were extremely puffy and swollen and my head felt as though someone took an axe to it. Bill then forced me to lay down in the guest bed, running off to find the Aspirin. I groaned in pain and covered my face with my hands to make everything dark.

"Fuck…This is all my fault…" I sighed to myself in a pained voice.

"Nothing is your fault." Responded a firm and familiar voice.

I slowly removed my hands and opened my eyes to see Bill standing over me, Aspirin in one hand and a glass of water in the other. Sitting up, I grabbed the water and painkillers, downing them quickly. Bill took the glass from my hand and set it down on the nightstand, sitting next to me, looking me firmly in the eye to reassure me of what he said.

"It is my fault Bill. If I never had fallen for my own brother, this wouldn't be happening right now!" I objected.

"Don't beat yourself up, Tomi. If we're taking the fault, it's mine as well for falling for you, too."

"But Bill I-"

"Just stop it, Tom. I don't want to hear you blame yourself for anything. I love you and you love me, there's nothing anyone can do about it and we'll have each other forever, got it?" He grinned, poking me in the nose, causing a small smile to form on my lips. "There we go! That wasn't so hard now was it?"

He was right though. Nothing could tear me away from my twin. Nothing in the universe could break the bond we shared and I knew that no matter what happened now, we still had each other. Our love was a force to be reckoned with and we were a dynamic duo. Besides, with Bill by my side, nothing bad could ever happen, right?

_We interrupt our regularly scheduled broadcast to bring you this shocking news. Tokio Hotel has broken up. We repeat, the boys of Tokio Hotel are no longer. Fans, please don't do anything rash as we have heard from the Kaulitz twins themselves that they are planning to launch a duet group._

_It all happened last week when the foursome got in a fight over what we do not know yet at this time but we do know that it pinned the Kaulitz brothers against Gustav and Georg. Quoted from the former Tokio Hotel drummer and bassist, "What they did and are doing is sick and a disgrace to our name. We do not want to associate ourselves with people like that any longer so we made the decision to go our separate ways. Bill and Tom are sick individuals and are surely going to hell for the situation they are involved in."_

_What could possibly be so bad that the two brothers' long time best friends and band mates don't want anything to do with them? The Kaulitz twins are quoted saying that, "Georg and Gustav are close minded and thank God we finally found out the real them or else we may have been fooled for the rest of our lives. We'd like to take this opportunity to apologize to all of our fans and not to fret, we will still be in the music business but this time, expect it to be only Tom and myself. We're finished trusting unworthy people and this was a wonderful chance for us to learn the truth. Once again, we'd like to say sorry to all of our fans."_

_This is truly a shocking day in the entertainment industry. Tokio Hotel was arguably the best act to come out of Germany in a couple decades. Their fire was put out as quickly as it started. To fans, this may be one of the most devastating days in the history of their lives but we have the promise from the Kaulitz twins that they will be back in full force in no time._

I sighed and turned the television off, tossing the remote behind me. It had been a month since we were discovered by our now former friends and band mates. After not hearing from them for a week or so, David Jost called us, informing that Gustav and Georg wanted to put an end to us and wanted our input. Bill and I immediately agreed and set up the deal with Jost for our career together. I was starting to let myself slip away, though. Tokio Hotel was my musical life. I had planned on being a member of Tokio Hotel for my whole life but it was too quickly ripped from my grasp.

I spent most of my days and nights locked in our bedroom as I had done when Bill and I used to fight. Only this time, I would actually respond when Bill talked to me. Even though most of the times it was just a head nod or a grunt in response, it was still something. Bill took it upon himself to make me food once again. Sure his cooking was shit, but I appreciated the effort he made to keep me healthy. Shortly, I started to feel better and was near back to normal until one day when I turned on the television again, flipping through the channels.

_Former Tokio Hotel band members Gustav and Georg spill all! The drummer and bassist called our studio up to tell us exactly why Tokio Hotel broke up! And believe us, we were more than shocked with their reason!_

_"To be honest, Bill and Tom really are involved with each other. We walked in on them on top of each other and they were about to get it on. They were both half naked and making out and all of that! It was so disgusting and to think that we actually believed them when they said it was just a rumor! They're nothing but disgusting fags! How sick do you have to be mentally to fuck your own twin brother?! My God, how could we be in a band with people…no I mean sick fucks like that?! We had to end it immediately."_

_And that's not all, folks. The boys brought proof! Apparently, they snagged this from the brothers' apartment before leaving! It was found in Tom's wallet…_

I just gaped at the screen as my most personal thoughts were being broadcasted on national television. I hadn't had the need to go into my wallet for anything seeing as I stayed in our room for the whole time and then only stayed in our apartment when I had felt better. I couldn't believe that they would be that low to actually expose us like that. I wanted to hunt them down and fucking kill them. I let out a loud scream of frustration and threw the remote with all of my strength at the television, causing a crack to form, breaking it entirely.

Slowly, I made my way to the kitchen to find Bill. He was on the phone but then yelled obscene words into it, throwing it across the room, causing it to break into pieces. He then slid down the wall to sit on the floor and I made my way to him, shakily taking a seat on the cold tile next to him.

"What was that about?" I asked, my voice still shaking. He stayed silent and just glared into nothingness. As soon as I was about to tell him about what I saw, he found his voice.

"That was Jost. It's time for us to find a new career because we'll never be accepted in the music business again."


	8. Chapter 8

Once again, I had taken to locking myself in our room, crying myself to sleep each night. I felt in every way responsible for the media finding out about Bill and I. I also felt responsibly for the abrupt break up of the band; causing us to lose two of our closest friends. It had to be months that I spent in that room. I couldn't believe that we really were dropped by Jost and that we were done for musically. Our dream of being rock stars forever was shattered due to me so I took it out on myself. I don't think that Bill could take seeing me like that anymore. It was wearing on him and slowly, he stopped trying altogether.

On one particular morning, I woke up abruptly. I could sense something and I had the sinking feeling that something was quite wrong. It felt as though the world was out of place. I was right. I was dead on, to be exact. Sitting up slowly, I exited my bed, only dressed in my boxers like usual. I felt cold and hollow, and I had absolutely no idea why but it was a feeling that I couldn't shake for the life of me.

"Bill?" I called out, my voice hoarse and shaky.

No answer.

"BILL?!" I yelled once more, much louder.

Still no answer.

With my heart in my throat, I continued out of our room and into the kitchen, my mind switching rapidly through the endless possibilities, fixating on the worst. It was once I entered the kitchen that my worst fear had been realized. A small sheet of paper held to the refrigerator by a magnet sent me into cardiac arrest. Upon reading the note, I fell to my knees, screaming and crying out in pain.

_Tomi,_

_I'm sorry._

_-Bill_

It was something that I couldn't imagine would EVER happen. Bill and I had an unbreakable bond, yet Bill was trying his best to break it. He had been since we were officially together. I just hadn't realized until that moment that he had been trying his best all along to escape and now he finally did it.

I don't know how long I lied there, collapsed on the kitchen floor, screaming at the top of my lungs as the knife in my back somehow worked its way in deeper. I didn't care to make note of how long I was there. There was no one to comfort me and snap me back to reality like their used to be. No Georg or Gustav; they were disgusted by me. No Bill to run out from behind a corner screaming, "Fooled ya!" There was no one. I had no one. I had nothing.

I didn't eat or do anything for days straight. I was slowly wearing my self away but it didn't matter. I would spend my days and nights curled up on Bill's old bed, holding on to whatever Bill had left behind. One day, I came across a note in his dresser drawer. I knew immediately that it was in Bill's handwriting.

_Tomi,_

_I'm so sorry I did this to you but you must understand that I did it for us. When we are together again we'll be safe from the media and all harm. You trust me, right? I had to do this, Tom. I had no other choice. You'll be able to find me, Tom. I know that you will. Until then, don't cry. We'll be together when fate works its way._

_-Bill_

I couldn't make sense of it at all. Was this some sort of sick joke of his that he was laughing up right now? How the hell was I supposed to know where he could possibly be? For shit's sake, he could have been on the fucking moon for all I knew. I had to try and find him, though. Bill and I were supposed to be together and I was more than determined to keep it that way. Perhaps this was just a way to lure me out of my room.

I quickly gathered up my things and threw them in a few suitcases. After that was done and I was all packed, I had to really think hard about where he would have run off to. There were too many places we had been to. I knew he wouldn't be anywhere that would be easy for me to find. He had to have been somewhere that I wouldn't think he would be. I didn't know at all so I just got in my Escalade and drove.

Now, I didn't think that Bill would go too far away from me so that I actually had a chance of finding him. I decided that I should start by just driving to the opposite end of Berlin. I checked into a hotel and left my stuff in the room, heading out to begin my "quest," if you will. Walking around the city, I searched everywhere visible and even headed into a few shops to try and find him.

I ended up in one of the more popular parts of the city and night had begun to creep up on me. Stopping dead in my tracks, I looked around, disbelief possessed my eyes. Surrounding me, there were gigantic Tokio Hotel posters covering billboards and buildings around me. There were teams of people positioned at each one, taking them down. The reminders of my past had me circled and I was victim to their will. My knees hit the ground before I could think. I let out a load scream as my emotional pain started to kill me from inside and then everything went black.

And that's exactly when I woke up, sitting straight up in my bed; a layer of sweat on my brow. Panting heavily, I took a look around the room that my brother and I shared. A sigh of relief escaped my lips when I saw my younger brother lying next to me. He had woken up after I had nearly fallen out of the bed. He grabbed onto my shoulder and yanked me down to lie next to him. I gasped at the sight of his sparkling brown eyes.

"Go back to sleep, stupid." He mumbled, his eyes closing slowly; much to my dismay.

I couldn't help my self but knot my fingers in his jet black hair. Slowly, I closed what little space there was between us, kissing him as if my life depended on it. Bill didn't kiss back. Something was wrong. Each time I tried to kiss him, he felt like he was slowly slipping through my fingers like sand until he disappeared completely.

And that's when I really woke up. It had be a week since I'd been searching and there was still no sign of my Bill. Sighing heavily, I sat up in my bed, rubbing my eyes. Swinging my legs off the side of my bed, I jumped out and headed out the door. I spent the nights in my bed fully dressed. I had no time to waste getting dressed in the morning.

I searched everywhere I could. I was even checking dumpsters until I realized how stupid it was. Bill was a diva and there was no way in hell he would do something like that. Letting out a frustrated sigh, I continued through every street. Every street, every shop, every hotel, every alleyway, everywhere I could think of. Still no Bill.

When night fell, I started heading back to my hotel to call it a night. I headed through a hardly crowded street that was lined with bars and drunken men looking to score with anything that had boobs. The street was dark, lacking street lights. It also held a feeling that a few too many lives were ended there; and not by choice.

As I continued to walk down the street, I made the mistake of making eye contact with a group of men that looked to be in their early 20's. One of them, the leader of their little "gang" I'm guessing, stepped forward. His hair was long and blonde, held back by a pony tail. His eyes were a deep green and the look on his face was murderous.

"What the fuck are you looking at, boy?" He yelled to me.

"S-Sorry." I quickly apologized, keeping my head down. I continued to walk down the street, making sure not to look anywhere but my own two feet.

"Don't you fucking walk away from me, asshole. I'm not fucking finished with you ye-" He started. When I turned around, he caught a glimpse of my face, immediately recognizing me. "Well look what we got here, boys. That little fag, wannabe rock star we saw on TV!" He called to his gang, never losing eye contact with me.

"That's the one who fucks his own brother!" One of the lower members screamed out, pointing a finger at me.

I gulped. My eyes were locked with the leader's. His eyes held me paralyzed with fear. I tried so hard to move my feet but they were glued to the pavement. Immediately, images of Bill started flashing through my head and the fear I had started to increase.

"I-I-I d-don't w-w-want any t-t-trouble…" I stuttered, my feet still firmly rooted.

"Aww look, he's scared!" Yelled out another member, followed by the whole group's laughter.

"We don't take very well to your kind 'round here." The leader let out, his face contorting into something that would haunt your dreams for the rest of your life.

His eyes broke their contact with mine as he turned around to face his gang. As soon as he turned around, the spell on me wore off and I started to back away, still too afraid to run. He signaled them and they all charged forward towards me.

Before I knew it, I was on the ground, letting out loud screams and cries of pain as their fists and feet made contact with my body. I tried so hard to crawl away but one of them pressed their foot down into my back sharply, forcing me down. I closed my eyes, tears spilling out anyways as I screamed with each hit or kick, praying to god that my brother would come and rescue me.

I opened my eyes for half a second to see one of them pull out a wooden baseball bat. A smirk formed on his face when he saw the look of shock and pain on my face. They rolled me up to look up into the empty sky and within seconds the wooden bat made contact with my ribs. A sharp crack echoed through the night as I felt my ribs break. I let out a deafening scream and closed my eyes, fighting with everything I could to get away.

One of them moved over to me quickly, sitting on my chest, sending unbearable pain through all of me. I let out another scream and, in an effort to shut me up, his fist made contact with my jaw, followed by my face, my stomach and anywhere he could find, including my broken ribs. It was too much for me to handle and I started coughing up blood. They were finally satisfied when I was left with a broken leg to accompany my ribs. My eyes were swollen and discolored. They finally left the street, laughing at my pain and misery.

I just lied there, whimpering and crying in pain. I was in unfamiliar territory and once again I had no one to help me. There was no one to call police or even an ambulance. I somehow managed to maneuver myself onto all fours, hissing at the pain from my broken leg. Slowly, I started to drag myself towards the nearest bar. I was so messed up that not even my own mother could recognize me now.

There was a loud crack in the sky as rain started to pour down, stinging as it sunk into my wounds. When I was closer to my destination, I gasped at the sight before my eyes. My prayers were finally answered. I couldn't believe it when I saw Bill exit the bar. Tears started to pour from my eyes, mixing with the rain. Though I was in extreme pain, I could only feel happiness at the sight before me.

"Bill…" I tried to call out. My voice was hoarse from all the screaming and the damage done to me so it only came out as little more than a whisper.

His head snapped up and he looked around to see where the sound was coming from. I tried so hard to call out to him, to tell him that his Tom had found him but I couldn't produce any sound. When Bill assured himself that he was just hearing things, he continued on his way. I knew right then and there that I had to get to him.

I dragged my way to him and latched my hand around his ankle, causing him to trip. He looked down at me, a stranger in his eyes. I tried my best to let lose the words that would confirm my identity but all that I could get out was heavy breathing mixed with a series of loud sobs.

"Get the fuck off of me you creep!" He screamed as he freed his ankle, sending a sharp kick into my stomach, causing me to let out another cry of pain.

With that, he was on his way down the street. Finally the pain was too much for me and my body collapsed onto the pavement. I watched as he disappeared around the corner. All I could do was let out soundless cries as the tears only dripped from my eyes.

"Bill…" I whispered softly after he had disappeared. Right after, I felt myself slowly slipping away and everything went black as I was left in the street for dead.


	9. Chapter 9

It's been about five years now since I've seen my brother; my should-have-been twin/best friend/lover/soul mate. After that night, I finally gave up on trying to find him again. You're probably wondering what happened to me after Bill left. Truthfully, I don't know what really happened. Someone found me and got me help. I don't know who and I don't know when or why. All I know is that I woke up in a hospital a week later and the doctor said that I would be fine but that I needed to stay for a while and go through physical therapy.

I still live in the apartment we used to share together. My room is still the same room we shared together. It feels like he's always here and it's wearing on me. I'm now 23 years old and every day I've been trying to erase him from my mind. Nothing I can do could ever make me forget. God, please let me forget his name. His name…

Bill Kaulitz. Born September 1, 1989; the same day as me. His eyes, a chocolate maze you could easily get lost in. His eyeliner, drawing you to false accusations. His heart, and body, lusted after by so many fans. What made me different from the thousands of fans? I had him…and then I lost him.

The way his arms felt around my body, the soft silk that was his skin; tightly pressed against my own unclothed form, the noises he made, the words he once spoke…

How could I forget?

The tears we both cried, the emptiness I felt when separated from him, the thoughts never spoken, the way he made my heart burn nowadays, the day he walked out on me – for reasons I still have yet to know. The last night I saw him, when he cast me aside.

"I will never forget…" I whispered softly to myself, tears in my eyes, threatening to fall and render me helpless. _I will never forget…I promised…_

It was dark, matching my mood perfectly. I had gotten out of my flat, determined to walk to the cliffs that outlined the city. In my case, Bill was the world. If I couldn't forget the world, the world would have to forget me. It was a permanent solution to my never ending despair. At that moment I knew I wanted to die. I wanted to jump and leave the world behind me. I couldn't go on not knowing if he was even alive. I didn't want to go on.

A crack of sharp thunder sent rain pouring down on me, making my figure an even more pathetic sight to see. My head was down as I watched my feet and the ground pass by me with each movement they made. The soft crunch and sloshing my feet made with each step I took was deafening to me; the thunder was too far away for me to take notice, or even care for that moment. All I cared for were the words once spoken. The lies I had once believed.

_"I would die for you, Bill."_

_"You'll never have to, Tom. I'm here with you forever."_

Such poisonous, poisonous lies. His words to me were like poison laced with sugar; the sugar is tasted first and will fool you until the poison kicks in and you're left dead. Such things I said loosely once foretold my future.

_I was left gasping for air, my heart racing, palms sweaty; dizziness following. My whole body had been consumed in the need to join with his. He was like an addiction. He was my cocaine, my meth, my mind numbing drug that I loved. Each rush left me hungry for more; I couldn't get enough. I was more in love than I had ever been before in my life._

_"Damn it Bill, you will be the death of me…" I got through deep breaths._

_All he did was flash me his familiar dazzling grin. He was sweating and his hair was sticking to his face, making my stomach dance inside of my torso. I slowly extended my hand, tucking the stray hairs behind his ears so I could see his angelic face. His arms wrapped around my shoulders, pulling us both closer to each other; like magnets. His eyes were closed as he roughly pressed his lips to mine with a hunger. It was as if he was starving and I was the all-you-can-eat buffet._

_It went on for a few minutes. Neither one of us had enough energy to do anything other than hold each other, our lips tightly woven together. Yet it was all over too soon. As he pulled away, I let out a sigh at the loss of contact. His soft fingers moved, tracing my jaw line and up to my cheek before he moved to whisper softly in my ear, sending shivers all over my body._

_"I'll always love you Tom, you believe me don't you?" He asked with a certain innocence in his eyes. The butterflies were doing laps in my stomach as I looked into those eyes that killed me from the inside out with their beauty._

_"I always will."_

By now I was standing on the cliffs that overlooked the city. To my great surprise, there was a tall figure standing near the edge, dressed in black from head to toe. The thoughts rushed to my head. _How dare someone invade on my plan…How dare someone take my idea…_ But then the figure turned halfway to the side and I saw the outline of a once familiar, but slightly more aged, face. My mind was once again reeling and I must have been dreaming. The figure's outline seemed so familiar to me…like a long lost memory. It had been so long since I had found anyone worth observing this much. That's when it hit me.

"Bill…" I whispered softly to myself unaware that the figure could hear me. I saw its shoulders go rigid. It was clear to me that this dream figure thought of my voice as only a whisper on the wind; not really existing.

"Bill!" I gasped, loud enough for the figure to turn around, shock etched into his face. There was a look of despair on that face that I knew all too well. Immediately, tears filled his eyes at the sight of me. This was no dream.

There was no doubt in my mind now that this was my Bill…or he once used to be. This Bill was extremely pale, dark circles encased his still perfectly sinful eyes along with his familiar black eye make-up. His eye make-up was different, though; extremely messy…something unlike the Bill I used to know, who always prided himself on his perfection. He looked skinnier as well, but nothing too horrible. He just looked hollow and hopeless, standing there soaking from the once pouring rain and I swear to God, I had never seen a more beautiful sight in my life.

"BILL!" I screamed, tears seeping from my eyes as I ran over to him, pulling him safely away from the edge of the cliff and entangling him in a hug that lasted for like what seemed to be forever. His sobbing was mixed with what I believe to be small cries of joy.

Bill let out a loud cry of pain as my fist made contact with his jaw, knocking him to the ground. I climbed on top of him, pinning him down as my fists made repeated contact with his face, chest, and stomach. He continued to moan and cry out in pain as the force in my punches increased but he didn't try to fight it. He just remained still and let me injure him. From what I could see through my blinding rage, his tears were mostly formed from pure happiness, despite the bruises and cuts forming along his once perfect skin. He'd rather I hurt him than not touch him at all. I was all too familiar with that feeling.

After I had exhausted myself from using my entire body's force to cause him damage, I collapsed on top of him; into his chest. My emotions played traitor to me as I was left there, sobbing into his shirt, screaming at him through my sobs.

"HOW COULD YOU FUCKING DO THAT TO ME?! YOU HEARTLESS SON OF A FUCKING BITCH!" I screamed. I had intended to say so much more but my sobs had ruined any chance of that happening for me. Bill's only response was to wince in pain and sob harder, holding me closer to him than he had ever held me in his life.

I don't know how long we stayed like that, sobbing and squeezing each other so hard you could have sworn we were trying to force the other's insides out. Time ceased to exist whenever I was around him, no matter where or when. When my eyes failed to produce any more tears for the moment, I looked up into my twin's eyes through my own blurry vision. He winced and hissed in pain as he slowly moved to a sitting position, cradling my head to his chest. The whole time, his eyes remained locked with mine as I struggled to cope with the fact that he was really with me. His brilliant eyes were nothing less than what they used to be.

"I-I-I'm s-so s-s-sorry, T-Tomi…" He choked out through strangled sobs. It was now that I realized the extent of the damage I had done to his perfect face. What was different about him now more than ever was that he looked so emotionally and physically exhausted. It was as if he hadn't slept a wink since I last saw him. The bruises, swelling, and cuts on his face, all caused by me, let me see that he could understand my frustration with him.

"I was so lost…And I couldn't take it anymore…I couldn't take seeing you like that and I thought that maybe if I left…You could be normal again…And when you were better…Somehow we'd find each other…" He sobbed out as he tightened his hold on me.

Another groan of pain escaped Bill's lips as the back of my hand grazed his face. I then proceeded to start hitting him again, with all that was left of me, screaming at the top of my lungs at him.

"WHAT GIVES YOU THE RIGHT TO LEAVE ME OVER THAT?! YOU SELFISH SON OF A BITCH! YOU FUCKING DESTROYED ME! YOU NEVER GOT IT BILL, YOU ARE MY WORLD! YOU ARE MY ENTIRE FUCKING WORLD! HOW COULD YOU?!" I kept screaming at him. He almost looked shocked that I was so confident of his worth to me.

I proceeded to tell him that it was me on that night. That it was me he threw aside like some bum. He only squeezed me harder, pleading with me for my forgiveness. He assured me that it was the biggest mistake that he had ever made and would take everything back in a heart beat if he could. What only made the situation more heart breaking was the fact that we both knew that the other had come to end his own life.

My only response to him was to pull him as close as possible, pressing my lips to his forcefully. I'd gone too long without him and my mind and my body were both craving him. He was the type of drug that left me absolutely fascinate, craving for more each time. There's no way that I would ever let my anger force this opportunity to pass me by. Five years had passed and his lips still tasted as, if not more, sweet.

When we finally broke apart we just lied on the jagged rocks, holding each other and making up for lost time. I could tell that Bill was exhausted and hadn't gotten a good night's sleep since we were together; much like myself. Slowly, his exhaustion forced him into a deep sleep as I held him in my arms.

I knew that the rocks of the cliff were no place for my twin to lay his head. I freed myself from his grasp and gently picked him up, giving him a piggy-back ride. I continued to carry him through the once again pouring rain to the apartment we once shared. I hadn't moved a thing since Bill left.

Once I got to the bedroom, I emptied to load on my back onto my bed, being careful not to aggravate the bruises and cuts I had made on him. He started to shiver and his forehead was burning hot. I quickly stripped him of the soaking wet clothes and piled blankets on top of him. He still continued to shake and was softly moaning my name in a feverish haze. Without giving it much though, I stripped from my own clothes, crawling into bed with him. I wrapped him up in my arms, my hands rubbing up and down his back in an attempt to warm him up.

"Shh, Bill…I'm here…" I whispered, as if the slightest noise would cause him to shatter into a million pieces.

"I love you Tomi…I always will…" He sobbed out as his fever started to break.

"Bill…Shh, don't cry…It'll only make it worse…" I still whispered, cradling him to my chest as I kissed his forehead.

He only whimpered in response. When he had fallen back to sleep, I must have cried for hours. The world was finally back in it's right place; my arms. The love of my life, my little brother, was back, as if he had never left me in the first place.

Since that night, Bill and I have promised each other to leave everything in the past behind us and continue out the rest of our lives in each other's arms. We will be forever together, no matter what comes in the future.

_I love you as much as you love me, I'll take your words and use them to see. Truth, a miracle, and absolute must, All I know is in love I now trust._

Well, there you have it, folks. We've come to the end. I've already begun working on my next Tokio Hotel fan fiction, Shadows. The first chapter should be posted within the next week or so. Thanks so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed it!

-Ariel


End file.
